Soulspilling

I'm apparantly all over the place lately.... between the store blog, here, and my ancient livejournal.... yikes. Its hard to remember what I put where.

I've been thinking of consolidating the store blog in with my personal blog...  but I havent found time or the inclination to actually -do- it just yet.

I'm having severe issues concentrating at the moment on anything. I've been in a race against time, having most of the store on sale as that silly fundraiser I keep getting nagged to do. I have had several people asking me to do one, and I told them it wasnt likely to do very well.  There are times when I really wish I weren't right... On the good side, no one can pull the "you should/I told you to/I think it would work" card on me for a while... and the next time someone suggests it, I have a good example to point them to.

   I have whatever the newest bug is that is going around, and whats funny about this, is that anytime I get sick, I wind up getting customs... or.... it will be completely dead for days and then all of the sudden, when I'm nursing a fever and trying to get myself into bed, I'll be bombarded all at once from all directions with IM's from people who need me or want my opinion/skills for something.  I'm not ungrateful, by any means... and I'm hesistant to even mention it as thats usually the cue for the powers that be to come in and do something to nail me. -grin-

  I think I likely should have gone back to bed, once I DID get to bed last night I laid there awake thinking about a hundred other things (store, two new clients, Sue and the Nox build that I hadnt gotten to open up until this morning... which led to another can of worms I cant quite grasp at the moment...) instead of what I should have been thinking about (sheep hurdling over hedgerows or somesuch)

    This morning was awful, lots of arguing and temper tantrums trying to get the boy-o on the bus.... lets just say that he DID get on the bus, but he was screaming 'MOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!" through the bus window with tears rolling down his face. -sigh-  And... I know I had a point to coming here and rambling but now I'll be damned if I can remember what the hell it was or even what I've been talking about all this time. -sigh-

To bed? Or not to bed.... That is the question.
Too much to get done today :(

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/04/04/AR2007040401721.html

There is a zen to being uncaring, I think.
For some, its like second nature, and for others its a struggle.
Its like speaking in binary, feeling in numbers. I imagine that some people can do that quite well.
And I think for others, its more difficult.
It's a difficult thing for me. Its a struggle. It takes -work- not to care.... for me.

Someone made a comment today, that as Dane Cook would call it, rather torpedoed me.
It slunk in and infiltrated my thought processes.
Something obvious, something simple.
"Why can't some people just follow the rules?" and the answer..."Because some people just don't want to."
Simple yes? Obvious maybe? Torpedo, nonetheless.
 (LIkely why I'm up at this hour babbling about it, otherwise I wont sleep.)

Well why not? Seems very silly doesn't it?  Why does this bother me so much? It really shouldn't. Its not news.
And the more I thought of it, the more silly it really was. But... the more silly it was, the more frustrated I became.
And perhaps envious.

For some people, not caring, about people. Not caring about guidelines and morals, and ethics.... its just not a struggle. Its not a thought process. It has to be terribly freeing, yes?  Waking up and only caring about yourself and actually having a -choice- about the things to bother caring about? Having to likely make a -decision- to care about something or someone or about doing the right thing?

It certainly has to be much easier, I would think, depending on the extreme you take those particular things.

I think, a hue of that ability would be nice ... sometimes.
To be first in your own mind, for at least the little things..... Not to have your first thought always being about someone else and their well being.

I sadly, think its just another language I can toss into a bucket with all the others I'm not wired to understand.

I am remembering you like a fever
Chilled in a facade of ice
a roiling boil under the surface.
A glowing red beneath the frost.

I am remembering you in lazy fingers
that trace over words and breath
lips pendulate with
heat and veiled malice.

The wry smile and cold eye.
Warm honeyed tones lost in rosin
on the strings
That bend into silence and
leave nothing but their chill.

I've lost alot of poetry.
Alot of it.
I cant find it anywhere... Most notably.. Tobasco, and Words as Fat as Oranges.
I had files and files carefully saved...
And now it turns out I lost them all when I had the computer mishap.

If you have anything, please send it my way.

Bloody mess. this.